Notes from a School Visit

Like many things in life, I was neither in the front bench nor was I a last bencher in the school, probably because of this; I don't remember an instance when my parents had to come to school to meet the teachers - for good or bad. This being the case, I find it strange to drag myself to my daughter's school every quarter to meet her class teacher and that too on a Saturday. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the overall experience, only find it strange!

The D-day starts with some instructions by my daughter on what to say and what not to say to the teacher. She is not required to be with me during the interview and hence, quite naturally, she is worried. I drive down to the school, and reach a spot a couple of kms before the school. The road gets choked after this point with the many hundred parents and their cars. We are guided to a parking lot and shuttles run from the lot to the school. For someone who has always used the public transport for commute to school, (Running a fleet of buses was never a priority for most of the schools in the 70s and 80s) and hence never traveled in a school bus, I enjoy the short ride despite the inconvenience of fitting into a seat which is obviously not designed for elders. Luckily the distance is short and I walk out with just a couple of cramps.

The most difficult part starts now; there is a long queue outside every classroom, eager parents line up to meet the teachers; with great reluctance I join the line and start to twiddle my fingers and keep shifting my weight from one leg to another. I wonder what these parents have to discuss for so long. My question is answered soon, as I enter the class room and a couple discussing with great eagerness the progress of their kid who is in the 5th standard (my turn is next, hence allowed in the classroom -much like the guy in a wedding dining hall, who wants to occupy your seat for the next round and stands behind you as you are in the last course of your meal, nudging ever so lightly). I could strain a bit and hear the parents talking to the teacher about the kid and I could hear that the teacher suggesting professional help for the kid to help him cope with the class and the social environment it provides and primarily to hold his attention when something remotely related to studies happens at the class – thankfully students are not required at these meetings.

My turn is on and I just breeze in, collect the report, thank the teacher for making my daughter wanting to come to the school every day, sign a couple of sheets and walk out -All in about 2 mins. This stuns many parents who are waiting outside and must think that I am an irresponsible father having scant interest in my daughter’s progress, but I guess the teacher is very pleased to see the back of a parent so fast. My daughter will be happy that I did not mess up.

I look at the grade sheet, and I am amazed, the sheet has some four pages (A4 size) and has close to some 60 line items, this is much more complicated than the appraisal system at my office (believe me, our appraisal system ‘IS’ complicated). For a 10 year old at the 5th standard, first term result -this is too much. My 10th mark sheet had 5 line items for 5 subjects, those were the days.

I wander around the school and this is my favorite part. Even though kids are not required to be in the school, there are still many children running around at about 100 kms per hour and are quite oblivious about the great struggle the elders have to take to guide them to a brave new world. A world of great vanity and make believe. They seem to understand what the grand master Chaplin once said: In the end, everything is a gag.

In A Hurry

Things are getting shorter by the day… when did you last see a serial story in a magazine? I haven’t seen any for years now. Tamil magazines used to tout many serial stories written by writers, who were nothing short of superstars. Many housewives would remove (tear) those pages and collect them week after week and at the end of the story (which sometimes ran for years together), would bind those pages and add to their library of such collections. Today there is not one such story. The max you will get is a story of one page (oru pakka kathai – one page story, they are called).

Long letters are replaced by shorter emails, which are in turn replaced by the shorter SMSes, which are made shorter still by a vocabulary of its own (C U @ 4). Blogs are losing out to twitters and scraps. Even magazines like India Today have become slimmer (they have become weeklies, to be fair) - have you compared the Reader’s Digest of yesteryears to the recent ones? Marriages, these days, are short lived -I am told. Movies are getting shorter and what used to be a 3+ hr affair are usually around 2hrs today and a few under 2hrs too (which is not such a bad thing). The increasing popularity of Twenty20 cricket and the empty stands of a test match stand testimony to my words. Hair, dress – you name it and you got it – only shorter.

The only thing that seems to be getting longer and longer is my daily office telecon (short for telephone conference!) and yes; the other thing that never seems to end is the serial that my mother watches on TV.

Sometimes it looks like we have developed a societal attention deficiency disorder. We are all in a hurry and everything is in a state of blurr. We are pummeled by so many deviations today that we can hardy focus on one single thing long enough without our thoughts getting deflected by something else – mostly electronic. We are so impatient today that I routinely see people punching the lift close button >< again and again, not wanting to even wait for a few seconds, before the door auto closes. For once, you continue your halt at the traffic signal for a couple of seconds more after the light turns green, and you will know what I mean.

“Slowdown” I want to say; but I have to rush to attend a call and have to keep this blog short :-)

Sagging Pants and Funny Laws

A country town in the US bans wearing low hanging, sagging pants - high time some would say. The new indecent exposure ordinance in Delcambre Town , Louisiana of about 2,000 carries penalties of up to six months in jail and a $500 fine for being caught in pants that show undergarments. While they are at it, we could suggest similar bans on some aspects of today's popular culture, like Rap Music, it is not music for heaven's sake, it is just talking fast. Wearing caps the wrong side, what purpose does it serve to wear the cap the other way, I don't know, probably I am getting old. Also, wonder if there could be a law to ban TR from acting and ban Cheran's hairstylist.
There are many stupid laws across the world and of course US would lead the way. I have given below some that I found interesting (you know that I am at home these days).
"No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour". In their defense, very futuristic I say. "Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses". By the law, you understand. Of course this is at Calif , but still!
"Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine".
Wonder who will be left behind to collect the fine!
In the city of Eureka : "A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman". That is some place I am not going to visit, ever.
"You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time". No comments, enough to say that this is at LA.
"It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 AM and after 4 PM". How the hell will they enforce this? Who is going to monitor? And above all, what is the point?
This is something that I would have voted in favor, "A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match".

True Blue

Trip to Chennai…

Sep 12, 2006 – 9W445 – Seat 21E…the seat back was just not holding straight, I would press the button and pull it up (as per flight regulations) and lean back and the seat will just slide back with me. One of the many airhostesses with a semi stern voice will, “Sir, Seat back upright, please”. Meekly I would mumble that it is not holding up and in response, she would give a disapproving look as if it is somehow my mistake. This repeated some 3-4 times, with all the airhostesses taking turns.
Oct 2, 2006 same flight… and I was on 23B seated diagonally across 21E, had the pleasure of being an audience to this drama unfold again with another hapless soul. Mind you this is not the no frill, bring-your-lunch- along, cheap (fare) airlines, this is the true Blue - Jet Airways!!! Bit news, one of the air hostesses name was Konica, wonder if she has a sister who goes by the name Kodak!
This really reminds me of my days (in 1997-98) when I used to travel by Venson Transport between Chennai and Bangalore, while booking the tickets, I would list out the seats that I don’t want as they will have some fault (not sliding back, arm rest broken, etc). Next time while checking in, I would do the same to Jet, when the girl at the counter asks me for “window or aisle?” I would say - anything but 21E!
What is the matter with the captains from the “Deck”, why do they always mumble when they make an announcement, you really have to strain your ear and brain (which has already gone dull at 35000 ft @ 70% of mach) to make any sense out of their rambling, and in any case, who is interested to know the outside temp and “for your comfort the cabin temp is 22 degrees” otherwise they are fine with -40 degrees (which, if you are interested, is the outside temperature).
I guess the terrorist threat perception is not there anymore, we don’t have this silly “no liquid, solid and gas, jut you and your ticket in the cabin” revoked and back to good old days of the security officers going thru the routine and not really worried about what I’m carrying.

Pune Traffic:
Traffic in India is like the Chennai summer. You feel that this year’s summer is the worst so far and similarly, wherever you go in India, you say - This is the Worst Traffic!
With the exception of Calcutta (or kolkata or by any other name, it is going to be as worse and no better. Our netas’ fixation with name changes - that is a topic for another day!) I guess I have seen all major city traffic. I have stayed in Chennai and Bangalore for long and have visited Hyderabad, Mumbai and Delhi often enough to understand and comment on the traffic there. But, I’m not going to do a comparative study here. What I’m trying to do is to highlight the unique features of Pune traffic and you can draw your own conclusions…

Puneites (as Times of India calls us) seem to be suffering from acute color blindness as there seems to be no regard for the changing traffic signal. Red or Green it is all the same and it doesn’t matter to us, we will just drive through. The cure seems to be the presence of a traffic cop – who for reasons unknown never seems to be around unless there is utter chaos and people getting ready to exchange blows.

Our wish to ride on any side of the road is also perplexing and the only explanation seems to be that there are many American returns and they have still not changed over to driving on the left side of the road. You will find people driving on the right side and close to the median, which will further surprise you and make you think that you are driving on the wrong side. A fully loaded truck thundering at you on the wrong side of the road; you will feel so close to your Maker!

Anybody can just raise his hand and cross the road at any place, no matter that you are driving a 1 ton car at 40+ km/hour speed. You better screech to a halt and let the man cross the road. If a collision happens, wonder who will be damaged? To be fair, this is a phenomenon I have seen in Chennai a lot – where, if you come too close to the man crossing the road, be prepared to hear the choicest of Tamil words. Words you won’t find in any dictionary!

Puneites are very talkative. Talkative to an extent that they love to talk even while driving. Normal you say? It is normal when you talk to a passenger in your vehicle and it is “not” normal when you are driving and talking to the man in the vehicle next to you! Pune roads are narrow, on these roads you will see two cyclists talking and peddling their cycles at a leisurely pace – a quaint sight, maybe, but not when you are behind them. I am a reasonable man and can tolerate this cycle thing, but you will see all sorts of combinations of this arrangement on the road. Bike to bike is the most common; they will be driving at near 10 km\hr and will be talking their heads off. I have been fortunate enough to drive behind a pair, driving cars in parallel and taking to each other!!!

The thing that I really appreciate is the great optimism of the cyclist. He thinks that he can really drive faster that a 1200 cc, 101 BHP car that is running next to him. If you slow down your car (probably because two motorcyclists are talking and driving at the same time) this cyclist will overtake, turn back and give you a triumphant smile. Now you have two choices; kill yourself or run him down.

The six seater…the King of the Pune roads. These are of the same concept as the shared auto of Chennai. They are called six seaters as they are supposed to ferry six people at maximum. I have counted 15 at times and had to stop because I had to pass the vehicle! This is an exercise worth a Guinness entry. And they drive crazy. For some reason, this guy thinks that the vehicle which is made of iron and such hard material can really shrink and squeeze through the traffic like an octopus getting in to a coke bottle. He really believes that if he can get his front (which is 3\4 of the rest of the vehicle) through, the rest of the body will all get through too. You think it is not possible – of course it is possible, only you have to lose your side rear view mirror with the six seater.

The other contender for the King of Pune Road position is the local Bus (PMTC). If you see a PMTC approaching just get out of the way - no arguments there. They are above the law and oblivious to the “right of way” concepts. A big business opportunity in pune is cleaning of these buses. Never have you seen anything so dirty in all your life, covered with a thick coat (especially during monsoon) of whatever it is, you can be forgiven for mistaking it for a small dune coming at you at breakneck speed.

These are the idiosyncrasies of Pune traffic…in addition to all other irritants of Indian traffic. Driving in Pune, you feel like the Zen Monk who was running away from a hungry tiger, falling off a cliff and hanging to a frayed strawberry vine.
Over a period of time you too will lose your sanity and join the party.